How to *Actually* Believe In Yourself (Because It’s Easier Said Than Done)
This One’s For My Suffering Artists
I have an ugly confession to kick this one off today: I do not inherently believe in myself. Now, before anything else, I need to preface this article with the following: This is not a pity party. This is not a means to fish for compliments. I don’t want anything like that, nor am I seeking it in writing this.
But I do need you to know where I’m at, and why it matters, because I think it will help you, too. Especially if, like me, you suffer from imposter syndrome, are burdened by limiting beliefs, and have an aching desire to live a successful, sustainable, and fulfilling life as an artist but often feel held back — stuck, even — by nobody but yourself.
Maybe you get stuck in comparison. Maybe the battle is really just internal, and you can’t seem to bring yourself to create (or to share what you’ve created, in fear of what others might think or say). This might manifest differently for us, but the underlying issue is probably the same: a pattern in your subconscious mind.
The Conscious vs. The Subconscious
Here’s the thing: Most of our limiting beliefs find their roots in our subconscious — the parts of our minds that are intangible, that don’t have loud thoughts that rise to the surface which we can recognize but that, ironically, drive everything we do.
Your conscious mind, on the other hand, comprises your tangible thoughts, but are (strangely enough) often in conflict with our subconscious.
This is probably true if you can look at yourself objectively and think, “Oh yeah, I’m a pretty good artist, actually. And I keep getting better!” but that doesn’t mean your subconscious believes the same, depending on how you were raised, what stories you’ve been telling yourself (even the ones you don’t know about, that run stories in the background of our brains), and how you actually see yourself beyond the objective “I-think-I’m-pretty-good” kind of narrative.
This is me. I like myself and I love myself — for the most part. I think I’m smart and capable and creative and compassionate and helpful and a complete and total catch in my “conscious” thinking.
But, I face a disconnect when it comes to my subconscious beliefs. Due to societal expectations (“artist” isn’t a real career, let alone “writer,” both of which make up a significant amount of my thought-life and identity), childhood insecurities, domestic abuse, disordered eating and dysmorphia, etc., there are quite a few layers that require unlearning if I am to marry my subconscious thinking with my ideal conscious thinking (and therefore behavior).
So despite the front-facing narrative (“I’m good at what I do and I deserve good things, too”), deep down, the story’s different.
It’s more like: “Society’s right. What am I thinking, trying to be an artist? Who do I think I am? I don’t have what it takes. I didn’t go to art school so why would I ever have the technical qualifications to be an artist?”
And the perpetuation of patriarchal ideals leads me to believe, subconsciously: “It’s cute to be a woman artist but let’s be honest: Nobody takes me seriously. If I were a man, I’d have made it. I’m too sensitive, too emotional, simultaneously too much and never enough. My purpose is to care and to nurture. Let’s leave the building and the creating and the innovating to the ones that can do it best: the guys. And let me stop wasting my time.” [Reading these back is deeply saddening, and hopefully exemplify how my belief systems contradict each other. I believe in women. Women are truly the crowning touch of all creation. But it’s a running narrative built by societal ideas, hurt, and deep insecurities to shape the belief systems of my subconscious — even in opposition to my thinking, analyzing, and logical conscious mind.]
And if we want to get really real, my white privilege (and therefore fragility) play a pretty gnarly role here too: “Haven’t we gotten enough? It’s not my time anymore. Nobody cares about white stories; they’re played out. Hell, I don’t even care about them. And they’re me.” In a sense — without getting too deep — I wear a face I hate. It’s a whole lot of mess, all of which I am continually navigating via therapy and personal development, with writing here as an integral tool to my confession and goal: self-realization.
The Things They Say
They say “art is war” for a reason. It is. Art brings up and exposes our greatest vulnerabilities, desires, and inherent beliefs about ourselves and drops it onto the table for everyone to pick apart. It’s a lot, and if you’re still here, I’m so, so proud of you. This is not a light responsibility. But, is it worth it? Yes; that’s another thing they say.
The good news is that you’re not stuck, so long as you ride this out with me. Your limiting beliefs are no match for the power and authority of a well-intentioned mindset shift and some exercises and a lot of self-love and even more self-grace for the days you don’t have it.
Test Yourself: Your Subconscious Standing
It’ll take time to reframe your mindset and heal your subconscious, but that’s okay. Let’s start here.
Visualize this scene for a second. Someone reaches out to you via email or DM and writes:
“Hey! My name is Alicia, and I’m the owner of 123 Gallery. We’ve been following your work for some time now, and love what you’re doing. We’re prepping an art show for a small group of local artists and think you’d make a great fit. What are the chances you could provide 4–6 never-before-seen pieces for us by the end of this month? I know it’s a tight timeline but we hope we can make this work!”
What’s your gut reaction? Are you stoked out of your mind, ready to fire back a resounding yes! that you’re ready to get to work?
Or do you shrivel up a little bit? Are you terrified? Do you think, “Oh, no. I want this so badly. I’ve been asking for this and now that it’s here, I regret it. How am I supposed to make this happen, and so quickly? I don’t deserve this; they should have picked someone — anyone — else better suited to this kind of clientele and press. Maybe I should say ‘no’ and wait for the next one.”
(Or, maybe you’re somewhere in the middle of these two, and that’s probably where we’d find a lot of us.)
If you found yourself closer to the second response, it’s time for some self-belief. It’s time to put a battery in your back that lights you up and fires your engine and gets you knowing and trusting and believing in yourself once and for all. Because any other way is exhausting and tiring and we just don’t need to keep suffering like this if we can help it.
And, ultimately, we have to believe in ourselves first, because if we don’t, nobody’s going to do it for us. It’s gotta start at home.
How to Practice Self-Belief
Identify the root of your disbelief. (Use the top half of this article as an example. I’ve pinpointed my own subconscious stories that inhibit me from full-on self-belief. Do the same for yourself.) Was it something your dad said when you were 5? Is it a cultural or societal ideal you’ve taken on as your own that is, subconsciously, hurting you and your perspective of self? Identify the root in order to unearth it.
Do the work, day in and day out. Show up for yourself, even when you’re tired or grumpy or hungover or would rather sit slumped in front of the TV all weekend. Carve out an hour a day specifically to create. (Block out time on your calendar if you need to hold yourself accountable.) It’s a lot easier to believe in yourself when you’re actually doing the work and committing to improvement. (And, on the other hand, if you’re not doing the work, and you don’t believe in yourself, I’d bet money on that being a direct correlation).
Practice meditation. Getting out of your head requires that you do just that. I won’t over-spiritualize this one but it’s imperative to the artist seeking a healthier relationship with their creativity. Find a routine, a practice, a process that works for you and your beliefs. Whatever you do, let it be restful, let it be rejuvenating, and commit to it. Most importantly, though, be gentle with yourself. Consider meditation a gift — not another to-do.
Live your alternate reality for a day, then two days, then see if you can really fake it all the way to make it. Take a moment and write down an ideal alternate reality. (For example: I am a phenomenal artist with a recognizable style. Opportunities come to me quickly and abundantly. I’m highly sought-after for brand partnerships and collaborations. I create with abandon, true to myself, and enjoy the process so fully that the “success” that comes is only a cherry on top). Then act like that’s true. How do you speak about yourself differently? How do you share your work? How do you show up for yourself in accordance with your alternate reality? How does your ideal self think, speak, and behave? Start thinking, speaking, and behaving like that today.
Affirm yourself like it’s your job. I mean it. Affirm, affirm, affirm, affirm. The more we affirm ourselves in truth and light (“I am beautiful, I am bright, I am brilliant”), the more that seed takes root in our subconscious. Affirm yourself like a maniac, understanding that, to even be an artist is a great privilege and an out-of-this-world responsibility.
Ask yourself, “Am I ready? Actually?” Consider that you haven’t gotten the opportunity, received the press, made the sale, etc. because there’s still a lesson to be learned here. Focus on building the infrastructure to carry the opportunity so that, when it arrives, you’re ready to handle it. (And maybe this right here — a mindset shift — is exactly the infrastructural the work you need to do. It’s not always physical.)
Along those lines, let go of the timeline that you’ve created for yourself. Too often, we think meeting a milestone (or just improving at all) means that we unlock some kind of next level or great opportunity. Let that go. If there’s nothing you can do about it, it’s not your responsibility. Your only obligation is to yourself and your work. Opportunity will follow, but you can’t force it. And if you’re doing this for the opportunities, or the fame, or the recognition, or the clout, you’re on the wrong blog.
Choose to believe, even if you don’t feel it yet. Go ahead and intellectualize it (for now). I think of long-married couples that say “love is a choice, not a feeling.” There will be days you’re just not there, and that’s okay. Choose to believe even when you don’t feel all mushy about yourself. Feelings are impermanent, but they are also a skill. We can practice happiness; we can practice gratitude. Often, the feeling will arise when we create space for it to arise.
Be easy. Try and let go a little, will you? Relax. Take some time off the internet. Get some sleep. Take your PTO. Life is way too short to suffer between the ears when we can choose to see, think, respond, and create like we’re great. Don’t let the pressure of success overwhelm a process that is, ultimately, supposed to be free from that system in the first place.
